Conditioning is something that is subconscious. Your surroundings heavily impact the way you think, the way you act. If you are not careful, you may be conditioned by the wrong people or in the wrong way.

A simple example of conditioning is the language we speak. My parents spoke mainly Chinese at home, so throughout my grade school years, I struggled in my English classes. In school, all my friends spoke English. Because I regularly engaged with them, my English slowly improved. Additionally, being from Miami, I was surrounded by Spanish-speakers. As a result of this and taking some Spanish classes, I know some basic Spanish, and it’s very easy for me to utilize it in my daily life.

Now let’s look at a different example. If the people around you liked playing poker or buying lottery tickets or wishing for a better life, chances are you have also been conditioned into relying on luck. You may be waiting for a better life to be bestowed upon you or wishing to finally win that jackpot or raffle. Though it isn’t inherantly bad to play poker/buy loto tickets/wish for a better life, it conditions you to think in a way where you are constantly hoping for what you cannot control to magically bring you happiness.

Many things have a face value that people look at, but taking the time to look at the deeper implications can be so eye-opening. There were many habits and mindsets that I subconsciously developed that negatively impacted my life. After I started to look at the effects of my actions and thinking objective, then I was finally able to make the necessary changes to move forward.

 

Cause and Effect

Being conditioned is the effect of the cause(s). The conditions you live by lead you to be conditioned. So if you are being conditioned in a beneficial way, then seek more of that conditioning and even expand upon it. If you are being conditioned in a way that limits your potential, escape that situation as soon as possible.

If you are never exposed to the idea of “conditioning”, it will be extremely difficult to find your way out. It’s like if you never knew you were in a hole, you would never seek a way out. If you don’t know/think you can become successful, you will never even try to be successful.

 

Successful Conditions

 

1) Make Your Bed

My dad told me to make my bed since middle school. I never really understood it. Why do I need to make my bed if I’m going to mess it up again at night? It’s so much easier to jump into bed and cover myself in my blanket instead of unfolding it! I just don’t see the point.

I tried doing it for a few days. I sometimes was able to do it for a week or two, but I never understood it. So it was just a matter of time before I stopped. This continued until around the end of my high school years.

It was either in my senior year in high school or my freshman year in college that I revisited this and started trying to process the reasoning behind it. I slowly started to grasp the idea of respecting your surroundings. It wasn’t exactly an “aha!” moment, but more like a slow realization and sinking in of the information I have learned through my life.

So why make your bed? It is a sign of respect for your living space and will slowly condition you to surround yourself with good qualities instead of sacrificing your own well-being because no one else will see it.

 

2) It Is NOT Always About Winning

Don’t look as winning as the sole indicator of success. I know that winning is great and all, but losing is extremely underrated. In the books I read and interviews and videos I watched on successful people, I have learned that the losing is where all the growth is. There is no improvement without failure; there is no story when everything is predictable; there is no is rollercoaster ride without the ups and downs.

This is exactly the reason I have steered away from listening to arguments. Most of the time the main purpose for either person is to win the debate. Instead of listening to their point, they are listening to the flaws in their points and how to prove the other person wrong. At the end, both people usually lose because both have just wasted their time.

So from a practical perspective, whenever you start to unconsciously defend something, take a second to really see if what you are arguing for is actually worth it. If not, admit your mistake and seek to correct it.

The more you “lose”, the better of a person you will become IF you learn from it.

 

3) Change from “I CAN’T!” to “HOW CAN I?”

“I can’t” is very restricting. It conditions you to be limit your potential. In the book “Rich Dad Poor Dad“, Robert Kiyosaki (the author) stresses the mindset differences between his poor dad, his biological father, and his rich dad, his best friend’s father.

Because I had two influential fathers, I learned from both of them. I had to think about each dad’s advice, and in doing so, I gained valuable insight into the power and effect of one’s thoughts on one’s life. For example, one dad had a habit of saying, “I can’t afford it.” The other dad forbade those words to be used. He insisted I say, “How can I afford it?”

This was how Robert briefly described one of the biggest habit differences between his poor and rich dad, respectively. His poor dad had a habit of saying “I can’t…” whereas his rich dad had a habit of asking “How can I?”. One is close-ended and one is open-ended. One is reactive, one is proactive.

The constant repetition of simple habits will eventually condition you into the corresponding mindset. This is why it is so important to find ways to condition yourself for success. Once you get into the habit of doing it, your subconscious retains that habit over time and generates massively beneficial results over time.

* Note that Robert states that he “learned from both“. Even if you disagree with something someone does, you can still learn from them. If you see that their life isn’t that fulfilling, you can learn what to avoid.

 

4) We Are NOT So Different After All!

“Everything is connected”. This was a quote from my favorite TV Series: Avatar: The Last Airbender. There are many illusions in life that portray something that is not true or misleading. For example, geographical location has created an illusion. Yes we are different based on where we live, but we are all connected because we are of the human species.

The diverse selection of people in the United States may have some people thinking that there are white, black, Hispanic, Asian, etc. people. This is most commonly found when filling out race or ethnicity sections on paperwork or looking at statistical studies. While this is technically true, this conditioning leads to more division than unity. If instead we approached people from a perspective of everyone being one of us, we would over time be conditioned to treat each other with more respect.

The idea of everything is connected has lead me to become more interested in learning new languages. Right now I know English, Chinese (Mandarin), and a little bit of Spanish. Being born in the US, English was my first language. But it took me all my grade school years to start to finally appreciate the language. It had always been a pain because I wasn’t very great in my English related classes; but now that I’m in college and don’t take any more English classes, I have grown to love the language.

English is a language most take for granted. I have grown to appreciate it because just imagine how many people are looking to learn it. There are many Chinese people that really want to learn it, and they say it is so hard! Same goes for many others, including many Hispanic people and millions of others across the world. When you don’t know a language, it will be harder for you to learn.

But even if we know the same language, there still may be a barrier. Sometimes I am too shy and lazy to approach someone else. As a result, I make assumptions or speculations regarding the other person. This disconnect only creates a greater divide because it is an unrealistic portrayal of them.

A perfect example of this are stereotypes. It’s too general and can very incorrectly describe a person falling under the stereotyped group. Treat each person as their own individual and try to learn about who they are.

So the biggest point I’m trying to make is avoid assumptions and communicate. Once you make this a habit, you will be surprised to see that WE ARE NOT SO DIFFERENT AFTER ALL.

 

5) Don’t Just Clap

Have you ever been at an event and just clap because others are? I have and I didn’t see much of a problem with this at the time. But in retrospect, it conditioned me to just follow what others are doing even if I didn’t have a clue why I was doing it in the first place.

Being a follower will leave us pretty misinformed. I would be too lazy to do the research and rely solely on others for information. What is this? What is that? Ah really? I never knew that.

The problem is that other people’s opinions become our opinions. Whenever someone asked my opinion on something, I would response “I don’t know, but I heard my friend say that that is bad, so I’m against it too.”

I was too ignorant and that’s why I didn’t have a voice. Once I started doing my own research, I was able to express my own opinions on certain things; and usually my opinion was different from what I have been hearing from others.

Don’t just clap. Find out why you are clapping. Then choose to clap or not to clap.

 

6) Don’t Judge What You Don’t Know

At the beginning, you won’t know. That goes for everything. If you don’t know something, you can either get to know it or admit that you don’t know and move on; but do not judge it based on limited to no information.

I remember being bullied by someone in elementary school, and naturally I judged them. This guy is so mean! This guy must hate me! This guy must be a terrible person! He’s evil!

I told my mom that I was getting bullied, and she decided to have a conversation with the bully’s mother. The mother explained how she was a single-mother and her boy was very protective and would usually try to be the man of the house. In turn he was very aggressive and liked to exhibit his power.

When I heard this, I truly understood where he was coming from. His anger and frustrations were there because of his lack of a father figure. He was overcompensating for something that he was yearning for.

After that, I respected his actions, though I don’t think he bullied me afterwards.

So there’s always a story behind someone’s actions/thoughts. Don’t judge a person’s actions/thoughts based on the face value. Dig deeper and understand the true cause of the effects.

 

These are six successful conditions. Some of these begin as a habit and develop your mindsets. Some of these begin as a mindset and shape your habits. If you don’t understand the concept at first, you can first start performing the habits and slowly see their effects that will change the way you think. If you do understand the logic behind the mindset and believe in it, you have to actively and immediately implement habits associated with the mindset.

Going from habit to mindset is more of a learning process. It’s like a mentor telling you to do something and you’ll find out why you are doing it along the way (sometime in the future). Going from mindset to habit is more of an experience process. It is like school: you learn all the concepts and applications and then use it once you enter the workforce. It is the practical usage of what you have learned.